Chapter 2 seems to have all the information you need, but it needs the following: 1) Avoid the format where you start the paragraph with a citation. When you do that, which is a common mistake, you are highlighting the researcher and the study, not the findings. So I want to see few instances where the paragraphs and sentences start with a citation. Instead, focus on what the findings showed and put the citation in the end. You want the reader to know the information, not the researcher who provided it. 2) Study the MEAL plan in the Writing Center (or google). You are pretty good, but not fully following it always. 3) Now focus on whole sections and notice how you repeat the information in different paragraphs. You can make each section shorter by combining paragraphs that contain the same information into one. Otherwise the reader feels they are jumping back and forth into topics. This is the general flow, and that is the main issue in chapter 2. 4) Once you put all the same material in the same place, you can then decide how to tighten it up and more clearly state your case. You will likely find that for one sentence (maybe reworded a bit) you will have citations from several different sentences that were in different locations but said the same thing pretty much. 5) Once that is done, then see the order of presentation of the paragraphs within each section. Is it the best? That is hard to determine, and I will help, but I need 1 through 4 done because the way it is now I really don’t even know where to start with this final point. I see well constructed sentences and enough material, now it is just a matter of putting it all in the best writing and order. Much easier than what you’ve done so far.
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